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Off The Rail - Mar 11, 2006 - Printable Version
- A Toast to Our Times
by Mike Bohling
“The world was too ridiculous to bother to live in.” One of my favorite lines, from one of my favorite movies. I watched Little Big Man again last night for the gazillionth time, and can’t help but note that the ironic nature of the movie hasn’t been lost in today’s world.
I’ve been meaning to write a new article for the past few weeks. It’s not that I haven’t had the will, or the time, I just haven’t been able to come up with a good topic. So, in light of my lack of imagination, I’m going briefly touch on a few old topics just to rehash the irony that is the world we live in today. So, in honor of Jack Crabb and Old Lodge Skins, this is my tribute to irony.
Intelligent Design Comes To Nevada
A petition to amend the Nevada State Constitution introduced by Steve Brown, a masonry contractor from Las Vegas, would require the teaching of the "strengths and weaknesses" of evolution and introduce the “theory” of Intelligent Design into our classrooms. Because Nevada’s claims to fame aren’t exactly what you would call religiously based pastimes, (legalized prostitution, gambling, and round the clock liquor sales), the irony here is Intelligent Design could find any fertile ground in this state, but it has. Then again, the idea behind Intelligent Design defines irony.
Simply put, if life is so complex that it had to be designed by a “greater” intelligence, would it not hold true that this greater intelligence is even more complex than life itself, therefore requiring design by an even greater intelligence? Who designed the designer? And who designed him? I can’t believe that we’re still having this discussion in 2006, and I am growing very weary of people wielding the bible like some sort of blunt instrument to club our “intelligence” with. The true irony of Intelligent Design is that if you follow it through to it’s logical conclusion, it leads to the very place that it’s proponents so desperately wish to avoid.
If You’re Innocent, You Have Nothing To Hide.
This appears to be the White House stance in ignoring Constitutional Law in the Domestic Spying scandal. If this is the premise, then I look forward to the immediate release of the Administration records regarding Dick Cheney’s secret Energy Task Force. Maybe they’d also like to talk about Extraordinary Rendition, Secret Prisons, No Bid Contracts, the billions of dollars that vanished in Iraq, the Downing Street Memos, Pre-911 Intelligence, or the NSA’s Domestic Spying program itself.
Move along folks, no irony here.
The Bluebird of Ironic Happiness
I recently read a George Will column touting a new Pew Research Center survey, which concludes that within all income levels, conservatives are happier than liberals. Here’s the breakdown:
28 % of liberal Democrats, 31% of moderate Democrats, and a whopping 47% of conservative Republicans described themselves as “very happy.”
Mr. Will gloats that “People in the Sun Belt -- almost entirely red states -- have sunnier dispositions than Northerners”, and continues on by describing all of the things that Conservatives “understand” (and Liberals don’t get), that make them happier. He concludes his article with “You see? Liberalism is a complicated and exacting, not to say grim and scolding, creed. And not one conducive to happiness.”
Well George, I have always noticed that some people are happier than others. When I was young, the kid next door was mentally retarded, and I don’t believe I ever saw a frown on his sweet little face. Come to think of it, most of the people I’ve met in life who were not the sharpest knives in the drawer seemed happier than those moody, intellectual types that tend to be of a liberal mindset. It kind of brings home the old adage “Ignorance is Bliss”, doesn’t it?
On the other hand, it could be that Liberals are less “happy” because they are the ones who will eventually have to clean up the mess left by the Conservatives. Little things like the National Debt, the Iraq/Terrorism fiasco, Louisiana and the Gulf Coast, Ethics in Congress, Healthcare, and the myriad of other problems that Republicans and the Bush Administration have created.
Anyone got a Prozac?
Quotable Irony: It’s Not Really A Lie When You Want It To Be True.
Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.
- Dick Cheney, 8/26/2002
We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.
- Donald Rumsfeld, 3/30/2003
But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them.
- George W. Bush, 5/30/2003
No one ever said that we knew precisely where all of these agents were, where they were stored.
- Condoleeza Rice, 6/8/2003
“And I have yet to hear from our commanders on the ground that they need more troops.”
- George W. Bush, 11/04/04
“Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires – a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we’re talking about chasing down terrorists, we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so.”
- George W. Bush, December, 2004
“I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.”
- George W. Bush, 9/1/05
Irony Repeats Itself.
A fitting end for this article should include a quote from Little Big Man that reveals that irony is indeed, timeless.
Visualize the following exchange between Jack Crabb and General Custer in a setting with today’s counterparts. Say, oh…George Bush and his military advisors, just before the invasion of Iraq.
Jack Crabb: General, you go down there.
General Custer: You're advising me to go into the Coulee?
Jack Crabb: Yes sir.
General Custer: There are no Indians there, I suppose.
Jack Crabb: I didn't say that. There are thousands of Indians down there. And when they get done with you, there won't be nothing left but a greasy stain. This ain't the Washite River, General, and them ain't helpless women and children waiting for you. They're Cheyenne brave, and Sioux. You go down there, General, if you've got the nerve.
General Custer: Still trying to outsmart me, aren't you, mule-skinner. You want me to think that you don't want me to go down there, but the subtle truth is you really don't want me to go down there.
God, I love that movie. I think I’ll watch it again tonight.
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