Faulking Opinions - Aug 15, 2006 - Printable Version
- BUSH DECLARES WAR ON ESTE LAUDER!
by Down the Middle Thanks to the superb investigative techniques of U.K. anti-terrorist units and the quick thinking of Homeland Security chief, Michael Chertoff, another 9/11 size terrorist attack was foiled before it was able to wreck havoc upon unsuspecting airline passengers, bound for the U.S.
The terrorists plot of combining liquids and gels into a bianery explosive was set to bring down ten airliners into the Atlantic Ocean but was stopped in it’s tracks, as word went out to all to all Department of Homeland Security stations, “CODE RED ALERT: Detain and search people who smell good!”
Airports and other secured facilities across the country immediately went into action, harassing women of all races and nationalities into dumping hundreds of dollars worth of cosmetics and perfumes into government containers, thought to be lined with extra strength Glad Bags to shield homeland Security personnel and frequent flyers alike in the event of an accidental combining of rouge and springtime scented feminine hygiene solutions.
President Bush appeared on television later in the day to confirm to the nation that “Islamic Fascist-cist” were at the root of the new threat, while Homeland Security Czar Chertoff noted that airline passengers would soon get used to the new rules…and the natural body odors.
Although most flyers seemed resigned to the forfeiture of their expensive toiletries, others were quick to accuse the Administration of a secret plan to recycle the confiscated contraband.
“That’s ridiculous.” quipped and un-named TSA supervisor, in response to reporters questions about the rumored Whitehouse secret plan. “And don’t all of our OHS officers look so pretty today?”
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