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Faulking Opinions - Oct 10, 2004 - Printable Version
- As The Guestbook Turns
by Mark Faulk
Where to begin? I have to admit that my own world has been spinning in too many different directions of late, and sometimes I feel as if the centrifical force of my own uncertainty will sent me plummeting into outerspace (or cyberspace, as the case may be, or is it outercyberspace? Whichever.). Oddly, most of the turmoil is in my own mind, and the events that are happening in the real world seem tame by comparison. But enough about me, we're here to catch up on last month's letters. I've been incredibly negligent about updating this particular column. In fact, when I started this article, my daughter was fourteen years old and had blond hair, now she's fifteen and her hair is inexplicibly red. I better finish this before the world just spins off of it's axis altogether. Fasten your virtual seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride:
It appears as if the natives are beginning to get a bit restless, and the mood has turned decidedly ugly. And that was just the Republican Convention. And our readers have been no different, they seem to have become as detached and polarized as the country in general. I might as well begin with the dirty stench of politics:
Couldn't help being amused with "Drug Store Cowboy".
( www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/DownTheMiddle/1007.html ) I know a soon to be middle-aged woman who wanted to be a "cowgirl" so bad, she bought a huge dueled wheeled truck, a horse that was blind in one eye and a trailer that rode behind the truck at about 15 degrees, front to back. No substance, all "image".
She's a Bush supporter, of course.
Jean Bales, Great Plains
Jean,
Thanks, I think I actually dated that girl back in high school. Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, her constant shouts of "Yeehaw!" at the most inappropriate moments soon put an end to that redneck romance.
Here are a couple concerning my commentary "The Faulking Truth Projects Kerry the Winner in Tonight's Debate" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Commentary/1015.html . The first one is referencing my comment that Bush is a "bumbling idiot with the IQ and maturity of a college frat boy".
Mark; At first I thought you were a rabid Bush hater. But your ploy to manipulate frat boys to vote for Bush convinced me that you are a subtle agent of influence for Bush. Bonesman frat boy Kerry will however still vote for himself. Glad to see that you are open and honest about your poll unlike most of those reported as meaningful news. Keep up your good efforts against the naked short selling crooks and their government enablers.
Respectfully, Robert Wahl
Robert,
Actually, I believe that all politicians are equally flawed, and that all media is equally biased. To pretend otherwise would just undermine my credibility (don't even say it). By the way, the frat boy vote could very well determine the outcome of the election, and then I'll really be sorry. Thanks for keeping me honest.
And his reply to my reply:
Mark,
Your beliefs are right on. I also believe that the people would be much better informed if all media were up front about their biases/agendas instead of pretending to a non-existant objectivism.
Robert
Robert,
I'm nothing if not biased.
Mark (my opinion is the only one that counts) Faulk
And one more about our Kerry projections:
" 'The poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 67 percentage points.'
I wish I had not had a mouthful of orange juice when I read that!"
Ken
Ken,
Sorry about that, send me the cleaning bill, I'll lose it, I mean reimburse you.
And here are a couple of comments from one of my favorite people (she keeps sending me emails inquiring about my personal well being, if I actually do get sick, I'm having her send me some homemade chicken soup). These are the people who make this all worthwhile. This is in reference to my article "13 Million Left Behind" (which Kerry should use as a catchphase in the next debate, by the way) www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Commentary/1010.html , and to my dad's poem "This Single Child" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Words/1011.html :
Mark: Great writing on your daughters situation, and your dad's poem took my breath away.
Leigh
And one more, referring to my article "Running on Empty" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/FaulkingAround/1008.html :
I read your latest yesterday, and felt the rumbling inside you--actually you sent goose bumps and a couple of tears through the "wires", this is what prompted me to send a little note to you. I liked the way you tied Bush into DHS/TSA and the FAMs too, Great Stuff. On a side note; Someone once said to me years ago "Take it one step at a time" and also "We work to make our lives Better on the outside for ourselves and family, remember that Leigh" When things get craaazie, those two phrases seen to echo inside of me--puts things back into perspective and I can think clearer. Try it, you may just like it!
Leigh,
Thank you, now I'm going to embarrass you by reprinting a sentence out of my email reply to you: "Thanks for all your support, you are a truly wonderful person (I have a sixth sense about those things)". And I'm not just faulking around.
And another one referring to "This Single Child" (from my favorite guestbook poster, but we'll get to that later):
Your father is an articulate and beautiful writer (like you). That poem moved me to tears.
Lily
Lily,
Thank you for the kind comments- my father was an extremely creative (although, like most creative souls, flawed) person. Now you know where I get my passion from (luckily, I stay a bit more grounded because of the other side of my gene pool).
Okay, so this guy posted this nice comment in our guestbook about "FBI Response to Internet Scams: Don't Open Them" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/FaulkingAround/1011.html , but then he linked a porn website to his post. So, apparently, my sense of humor appeals to sexual deviants. It's always nice to know what your demographics are. Uh....thanks, Tom (I think).
Thanks for your piece on the internet lottery fraud case you busted. I haven't laughed that much in a long time.
Tom
Here's an email from someone commenting on one of Ken Shade's earlier articles, "Some of my Friends are Confused" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/GuyWalksIntoBar/1005.html :
Ken,
You might show this article to your confused mother of six friend. It tells of how the Illinois legislature just passed (almost unanimously) a requirement that ALL pregnant women and children under 18 submit to mental health screenings at the behest of any official of the state. If she loves those six kids she will get really involved really quickly.
Larry
http://www.illinoisleader.com/news/newsview.asp?c=17748
And one on his latest article:
Ken Shade made me cry out loud with his latest article, "This One is for the Nurses"
( www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/GuyWalksIntoBar/1006.html ). I don't know him, but I imagine he is as amazing in person as he is in his writing. Thanks for putting everything in perspective.
Susan
Susan,
I'll answer your observation about Ken being "as amazing in person as he is in his writing" in three words: yes, he is.
Here's a comment on Robert Wahl's "How to Set Things Right" (and George, we're curious to see part 2 of his piece as well, it should be a good one) www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/CommentaryToo/1008.html
In "How to make things right", the writer says that it is"a tale of how failed assumptions and crucial missing details of our Constitution allowed such a corruption."
Is the implication that the Constitution itself was written to favor those in power? I used to say that a document that was written by wealthy white male land owners would be slanted to favor....wealthy white male land owners. I'll be curious to see 'part 2' of this one.
George W.
And a couple of responses to the question I posed about Cat Stevens being deported in my article "US Thwarts Major Terrorist Attack" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Commentary/1013.html
One serious answer:
I can answer your question!!
There is to much talk of Peace in his song and to much peace period in his nature.
That is a threat to the powers that be because they are deeply entrenched in the Military Industrial Complex and peace will put them in a world of hurt on their prophit margines...
Now they can't have anything like peace stand in the way of their corporate complex
not when they finally got their dream of war that could last generations......!
And one not so serious:
Cat Stevens was detained because Karen Carpenter is dead and Barry Manilow already lives in the U.S. Perhaps it wasn't for his politics as much as his crappy, wimpy, overrated music.
Anonymous
Sorry "Anonymous" (if in fact that is your real name), but there's not an airplane big enough to transport all the "crappy, wimpy, overrated" musicians out of the US. And besides, what would we listen to on those long boring elevator rides and while we were waiting to see the doctor?
And this one is from Karen Zimmerman, who runs a Toby Keith fan website, and has been active in supporting Ally's House (here's her site, very nice, and worth a visit: http://home.comcast.net/~zimzip/ ):
Mark,
You would be very pleased to know that a number of the fans on the club message board have been working together to raise money and/or items that would be useful for Ally's House. A birthday scrapbook for Toby included over $1800 in donations. For the L.A. show at Staples in August
I think we're going to be collecting telephone calling cards. At the show in Foxboro last weekend, they collected Beanie Babies.
Some of us have also been mailing things directly to Linda. Little by little.
Thanks again for YOUR interest in Ally's House. :-]
Karen
Karen,
You're welcome. The one thing that doing this website has taught me over the last few months is that you don't have to be rich and powerful to make changes. While I am one (insignificant) person, the number of people who have banded together have made a real difference. There is strength in numbers. You are doing good things, keep it up.
Here's a post addressed to one of our guest commentators, Mike Bohling, who also wrote "Balancing Act" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/CommentaryToo/1010.html for us, and keeps me highly entertained with his guestbook entries in his spare time:
I am an avowed Christian, but I don't believe that I (or any other Christian) have the right to "force" my beliefs onto anyone else. You are a Christian because you you believe it in your heart, not because a gun was held to your head. Well written article (Does God Need Government Assistance? www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/CommentaryToo/1006.html ), if this is the type of guests your site has, then there is hope for us yet.
A Christian in his own home
And one responding to my claims of inherent laziness (by the way, like Dan Rather, I stand by my statement), and complimenting Robin Buckallew:
Mark, you should always be so lazy. I've noticed that the more you claim to be goofing off, the more you're writing, and the more passionate your message becomes. Go finish your nap, and then get back to work.
I also noticed that Robin Buckallew has been on a tear as well lately. Loved the Howard Beale piece ("Where is Howard Beale?" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/GlobalWarning/1011.html ), but unfortunately, she didn't make the most obvious point: if we weren't so dependant on oil, we might not be in Iraq at all right now. How about this for a slogan: "Drive less, save lives."
24 September 2004 - Colorado
James,
Thanks, I'll take your advice, I like to refer to them as "power naps", and I'm actually taking one while I write this, so if I appear a bit groggy, it's because....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Robin does it again with "Other Living Things". Bravo!
Arnaz, USA
Arnaz, At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll repeat once more what I always say about Robin Buckallew: she is brilliant, and makes our site look better than it really is. Her article "All Those Other Living Things" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/GlobalWarning/1013.html is a great piece.
But, alas, you can't please everyone all of the time:
Please delete me.
to far out for me! It was funny and interesting, at first. Now it's to wacko. The dems lost the last one, get over it. You are going to lose this one, if you don't stop crying.
All you need is for Daschel to get up and be bitter.
Lou
Wait, Lou, don't go! I can still be funny and interesting. These two nuns are walking down the street, no wait, these two guys dressed as nuns are walking down the street. Oh, forget it, you're not worth the effort. Actually, I responded to Lou's email amd asked him if he would be interested in presenting the "other side of the argument" in a guest commentary. He responded by blocking our email address. I'll take that for a "no". Oh, well, we get ten new readers for every one we piss off, so we'll call it a wash.
And here's a couple on the stock market scandal, which is still going on. Our latest article is "Is Time Running Short in StockGate Scandal?" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Investing101/1011.html In the end, we will prevail, and all the naysayers who doubted...blah, blah, blah, and on and on:
This website is quite informative. When it comes down to telling it like it is , just read the Faulking Truth. I guess the truth hurts and a great deal of the MM's, such as NITE and Shwab must despise the Faulking. I know for a fact that the MM's have been beating down LifeLine Biotechnology, especially with their medical devices, contracts with Stryker corp., Inion corp and their sales throughout the world. Keep up the outstanding work because most of the big, national publications will not.
Tim K.
Mark,
The "12 step program..." article is excellent. ("A Twelve Step Program to Clean up the OTC Stock Market" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Investing101/1010.html )
Hope you send a copy to every member of Congress, Sixty Minutes, Wall Street Journal and other financial publications, CNBC, etc.
The articles and the evidence are there. Now is the time for responsible people to start the program.
Arthur Krauser, Ph.D., Miami-Kendall, Florida
To the head Faulk'er:
Thank you! On your last finance 101
Great story! Just Faulkin' Great!
Doc, Da Great White Nort' Wisconsin!
Faulk: Re: The short selling scandal. You have stepped into an area that is better left alone. I would tread very carefully through this field of landmines, or you might just step on one. That's not a threat, but I know how ugly this could get. Be careful.
Inside the Loop
Whew! Thanks for telling me that this isn't a threat, because I wasn't entirely sure. Add a horse's head in my bed, and I'd swear you were quoting dialogue from "The Godfather". Go ahead, make me "an offer I can't refuse". For future reference, I actually respond better to bribes than threats. So empty your change jar, save your allowance for a few weeks, and get back to me.
Here's an email from a guy who has been sending what I believe are supposed to be clues to solving the entire stock market scandal. He goes by the name of "Dirty Harry", but by the way he writes, I'm thinking that maybe "Latka" would be a better moniker. By the way, if anyone speaks this language, and can translate this for me, email me at info@faulkingtruth.com. T'ank you berry much.
you now my name is on AOL
I almost figure it out. Your Stock Crooks.
"For exanple" here is a vexp stock will go to zero (delist stock) OR the crooks will have vexp go to $10 +....JUST like every stock...look at any stock..I now ...look at the last 3 yrs. for example Q-T-NT-tiwi-orch-lu-agr.a-simc--plmo-airt and more.. I will show you that all of them will go to delist...the Crooks are is in this like the SEC but NOT all of the SEC are just Honest sec workers. Here IS the PROOF that any stock with any STOCK. that went down & up . I hope they email work with BIG CHARTS ? Delist...BUY at low ! kids the stock don't hurry ! you can WIN $$$ ..My Jesus Mercy ! OR YOU WILL be SORRY !..I know about stocks...I can show you about 100 stock to win or loose..NEVER BUY some stocks. You should pay me 10 Million $$ BUT I will show you for NOTHING...........MY Jesus Mercy ...but you may loose $$ too a few $$..so
1,000 stocks of vexp = .37 x 1000= $370 or it goes up..so if it goes up to $1 a stock so 1000 x $1 = $1,000 or more ?
And now, back to the guestbook drama: I'll let most of them speak for themsleves, but's it's been getting really interesting there lately. The continuing saga of Lily and our AWOL writer Russell Tharp has been stalled since Russell disappeared, but the guestbook posters still ask about them. Luckily, Lily has returned to us, and has been officially designated "Favorite Guestbook Poster" by yours truly. And a new poster who goes by the name of "Stacey", has staked her claim as the new "Guestbook Groupie".
First, here's one of Lily's guestbook posts, along with my reply (and you wonder why she's my favorite: she called me "brilliant" and "darling" in the same post. Need I say more?)
Your latest Blog on "The Vice-Presidential Debate Primer" had me falling out of my chair.
Another brilliant piece, darling.
If Dubya were gay, his husband would still be called the first lady. He just seems like he'd be the butch one ;)
And *SCENE*
Lily, Underneath the Willow Tree
Your description of my questionable writing binges as "brilliant" is suspect at best, and a violation of the Patriot Act at worst.
But the mere thought of making you (or anyone for that matter) fall out of your chair laughing made me smile out loud (which is not an easy thing to do, try it sometime).
And yes, Bush would probably be the "butch one" in a gay relationship, unless he was married to Cheney. Then, he would be Cheney's bitch. By the way, if anyone else used that word, I would pretend to be offended, and censor it.
It's great to be King, even if it is the King of Nothing.
*Fade to Black*
That post from Lily, referring to a "Blogfest 2005" www.faulkingtruth.com/blog/ entry where I posted a question that my daughter's best friend Chelsea told me: "If the President were gay, would his husband be the first man?" triggered a still ongoing debate about whether Bush or Cheney would be the man in the relationship. I chronicle this in my blog (you can read more about it there), but go to the guestbook to join in the debate. It's all about free speech. Here's the first Guestbook reply to get your interest piqued:
Lily,
I’ve been thinking about your assertion that W would be the butch partner in a gay relationship and would like to offer another opinion. After watching him squirm, make little pouty faces, and seeing his upper lip quiver during the last debate, I must conclude that this is a man who is accustomed to being spanked intellectually, if not physically. His facial expressions were too well rehearsed to not be genuine. I believe he gets reassurance, and takes comfort in being under the wing of more manly men such as Mr. Cheney.
My opinion is that he desperately wants to be the Bruce, but deep down, he’s the Mary.
I will be watching Friday’s debate with this question in mind in an effort to learn the truth of the matter. Mike, Carson City, Nv
Here's a comment on the website (and my recent lack of humor) from another poster (with an added comment on the Lily/ Russell saga):
You guys aren't as funny as you were, but I guess the thought of Bush getting re-elected is a sobering thought to those of us who actually pay attention to what he is really doing. "Count Your Children" is an eye opener, and the article on how to clean up the stock market shows that you're not afraid to go after the "bad guys" on both sides. Keep plugging, you're reaching more people than you think. By the way, what happened to Lily and Russell? It was like watching a Lifetime series, I kind of miss the drama.
Maria L., Nevada
Maria,
Thanks, "Count Your Children" www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/DownTheMiddle/1008.html is a great piece, "Down The Middle" has been writing some powerful pieces lately. Maybe some day I'll get him to come out of the closet and tell us his real name. I mean, how paranoid can you get? It's not like they have some kind of "Patriot Act" or something, where they can just come and get you for no real reason....uh, sorry, never mind. As far as Lily and Russell, I kind of miss it too. Lily's still with us, and I actually heard a rumor about Russell (who has been missing for nearly two months) a couple of days ago. I'm researching it, and I'll let everyone konw what I find out.
And here's Stacey's entry on the scene (this could get interesting, stay tuned):
I loved "Beating the Bushes"! Funny and depressing at the same time, and I can't wait for the article that goes with "Bushisms gone wild". I've actually laid awake worrying a couple of nights myself, it's a faulked up world.
And who is this Lily character? Forget her, I'll be the new guestbook groupie. Deal?
Stacey, in a city near you
And my reply to her:
Stacey,
Thanks, sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying. I'm serious about the current state of affairs keeping me awake nights, but I have faith that we (as a nation) will ultimately do the right thing.
As for Lily, she's a guestbook favorite (and a personal favorite of mine as well), so go easy on her. But you're still welcome to be the "guestbook groupie" (your words, not mine). Keep posting, we like the attention.
And then, lo and behold, Lily reappeared to "defend her honor". At least Stacey's post helped to bring Lily back to us, so I have to give her credit for that. I'll just print the part that references Stacey, since I like to stir things up (You'll have to go to the guestbook to find the entire post, and my reply.):
As for this Stacey character (her words, not mine) I graduated from groupie status long ago...and so she's welcome to take my place. I feel I've secured a much more permanant position. So welcome Stacey! As newly proclaimed groupie...you get to do all the grunt work! It's not a glamourous job, but someone has to do it.
By the way...I had a dream about Russell the other night. Very strange. Pass it on if you see him.
And Mark...I'd like to see more extracurricular articles from you. I already know who I'm voting for! It starts with a K...and ends with an erry. The lesser of two evils I think we'd all agree.
Lily
And back to Stacey (See, I told you this was getting good):
Can I least be head groupie? I do like the site a lot, I read the "US thwarts terrorist attack" article today, it's nice to see the faulking truth told with a sense of humor. And Mark, why does Lily get a half a page long reply, and I only get a few lines? I guess you do have to earn your status around here. Toodles for now
Stacey
And then, "Nigel" felt compelled to get into the act, hoping to finally get laid:
Great site!
I wanted to say to Stacey...
In order to be a bona fide groupie you have to get the attention of the front man. From what I can see The Editor is "all about Lily."
You can be my groupie. I'm kinda pathetic and I resemble Michael Moore, but what are ya gonna do?
Nigel, Arlington
And back, yet again, to Stacey (she's a persistant little groupie):
Thanks, Nigel, but I believe I'll pass on your generous offer. Michael Moore has a great mind (and who isn't turned on by genius), but it sounds like you have his looks instead of his brain. I'll bide my time, I'm guessing Lily will get tired of waiting for Russell and move on to greener pastures. When that happens, I'll be primed for the job. I'm nothing if not patient.
Stacey, Next in Line
And my comment:
Stacey,
We all want something beautiful, and even Michael Moore might look good in the right light (or lack of light, as the case may be). I can only say that the day that Lily leaves us for good will be a sad day for everyone here. There's room enough for both of you in this cybertown.
"Can't we all just get along?" Rodney King, a few weeks after he got the crap beat out of him by the LA police.
So, that's where we are at the moment, stay tuned for the next installment of "As the Guestbook Turns".
POST OF THE MONTH:
This letter comes frm a good friend of mine. I omitted her last name to protect her from ridicule, but I'm asking everyone to say a little prayer for her (or light some candles, or say a chant, or read some tea leaves, or handle a snake, or whatever it is your faith demands of you):
Mark,
I want your thoughts tonight because I have some terrible news.
When I met Charlie (my sweet, funny, and lovable husband) and not long after we professed undying love and ran off and got married I learned a sad fact about him. I must say it and it comes really hard sometimes, but my man is a STINKING REPUBLICAN and I have to sleep with him. He had me totally hood-winked. I was astonished. I could not believe that someone who was pretty much like me in many ways was an actual trader from the other side. It made my born to Democrats skin crawl and I know my Great Grandfather and Grandfather are spinning in their graves. Both served as members in the State House of Representives right here in Oklahoma.
Now that you know my ugly little secret I hope your thoughts will be with me. The conventions really stress me out, but there was no blood shed. All I can say is "anyonebutbush, anyonebutbush, anyonebutbush"...
Love you Dyan
Dyan,
I'm so sorry to hear about your tragic situation. I just want you to know I don't think any less of you, we all have our dirty little secrets. Besides, I always thought your husband was such a nice guy, it just goes to show you, you can never tell. My advice: Withhold all sexual favors until he caves in and converts to the Democratic Party. I know, it sounds pretty drastic and a bit harsh, and will entail considerable sacrifice on your part as well, but in the end, the outcome will justify the means. Good luck, and keep me posted.
That's it, folks. Until next time, keep making noise, I get really nervous when it gets too quiet, and then the inner voices start harassing me. And that's the Faulking Truth (no it isn't, you worthless little maggot). Shut up, who said that?
Voice your opinion on our message board (you don't have to sign up to post).