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Global Warning - Jan 3, 2009 - Printable Version
- If it Walks Like a Lame Duck, and Quacks Like a Lame Duck.....
by Robin Buckallew
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” George W. Bush, 9/29/2000, Saginaw, MI
I’d like to tell you about my younger brother. Growing up in a household of siblings who were all about a decade older than him, he was somewhat indulged, and became a bit precocious. He was always curious about how things worked, and as soon as he was old enough to hold onto a screwdriver, he started taking apart anything and everything, just to see the inner workings. Unfortunately, there was a very large gap of years between the time he began taking things apart and the time he learned how to put them back together, so we quickly acquired a houseful of electronic gadgets that wouldn’t work no matter what outlet you plugged them into. By the time he learned to put things back together, of course, the parts had all become mingled together in some sort of electronic stew, irreducible to its components, and with many parts missing – not to mention the mystery parts that didn’t seem to belong to anything, but apparently just gravitated into the mix independently. The only possible thing to do was to concede defeat, recognize that these things would never serve their intended function again, and replace them with units that were still in working order, having never yet encountered a pre-teen boy with a screwdriver in hand.
Very funny, you say, but what exactly does this have to do with the environment? Well, let’s just say it’s an allegory. My little brother represents all of humanity (Mom would be so proud), the screwdriver represents all the many tools and gadgets we use for extracting resources, and the various gadgets represent ecosystems that have been being taken apart en masse ever since Homo sapiens evolved and wandered out of the African savannahs. For a great deal of human history, we were simply like a little boy with a screwdriver; able to do vast amounts of damage, but for the most part, localized and contained within the walls of our own ecosystem (OK, I know, ecosystems don’t have walls; just humor me, all right? After all, it’s MY metaphor!). Like a little boy with a screwdriver, we weren’t too concerned about the intermingled or missing parts. There were always new lands to discover, new places we could move to replace the ones that no longer served their original function. Now, however, humanity has gone beyond the little boy with the screwdriver. We have spread all over the world, into every conceivable ecosystem, removing parts and carelessly laying them aside, giving little thought to whether we might need them again someday. In addition, our screwdriver has grown to massive proportions, and we are now able to take apart entire mountains, drain entire swamps, level entire forests, and move on, barely working up a sweat. We’ve definitely lost some of the pieces; the dodo and the passenger pigeon come to mind, along with any number of other once abundant species.
That brings me to another little boy, playing with a very large screwdriver, carelessly taking apart things he doesn’t really understand, and leaving the parts lying around without concern. For those who read the title of the column, you probably guessed it…I’m talking about George W. Bush, a particularly petulant, pig-headed little boy who is used to getting his own way, and likes to change the rules of the game whenever he’s losing. Like the schoolyard bully, he’s not content to take apart his own toys. He’s been wandering around the entire schoolyard, stomping on every one else’s toys, sticking out his tongue at the adults who try to stop his fun, and generally making a pest of himself. Well, enough is enough, we all said. We’re going to take back control of the schoolyard, so there will be room enough for everyone to play. We told the big bully he wasn’t wanted anymore, and we didn’t want his big brother to come stand in for him, either. No, we decided we’d rather play with the nice, well-mannered, polite new kid on the block for a while. We told the bully he wasn’t our best friend anymore, and we waited for him to leave. He’s leaving, all right, but not before he takes the time to destroy what little he hasn’t already broken.
November 4, 2008. The American people issued a sharp reprimand to the current Republican establishment, delivering a resounding victory to Barack Obama and the Democrats: a resounding mandate for change in the direction the country is headed. George W. Bush, giggling softly to himself, no doubt, sticking out his tongue to the mirror in symbolic representation of his opinion of the citizens, got up the next day and went to work, secure in the knowledge that, although Obama would be taking over the reins, it wouldn’t be for more than two months. Plenty of time to “fix” a few more things that weren’t broken – like the Endangered Species Act, for example. That darned thing had been getting in his way long enough. Look at how he had to pay that stupid fine back in Texas for shooting that stupid endangered bird by accident! Look at how his friends were often stopped temporarily in their pursuit of personal gain by the fact that there was some stupid species somewhere that had stupidly managed to get itself on the stupid Endangered Species list, and was being protected by the stupid federal government! Look at how the stupid courts had ordered him – him, George W. Bush, Decider in Chief – to return the stupid gray wolf to the stupid endangered list, just because there weren’t very many of them around! No, it would take more than a lost election to stop him (after all, losing the Presidential election didn’t stop him from becoming President in the first place). He smirks into the mirror (you handsome devil, you), straightens his tie, and heads for the Oval Office with a light step. Two months until inauguration. Why, that’s lots of time. He could sign an executive order every minute between now and then! That would be…let’s see…nope, taking off the shoes didn’t help. Stop in Cheney’s office, see how many minutes there are in two months. Wow! He could sign more than 80,000 executive orders between now and then! He could gut every stupid act that ever existed (except those ones that deregulated business, of course). He could…he could….he could do so many things it made his head spin. Two months. Plenty long enough to finish his scorched earth policy. Bye-bye, gray wolf. Bye-bye, polar bear. Bye-bye, stupid killdee – wish I’d shot more of ya.
On December 11, 2008, George W. Bush signed an executive order that effectively gutted the Endangered Species Act. It is now federal policy that departments and agencies engaged in projects requiring an Environmental Impact Statement can decide for themselves, without consulting any scientific experts, whether their project will be detrimental to any species listed on the Endangered Species Act. Without scientific input, they will make the decision whether any damage that might be done is merited by the benefits to be gained from the project. The proposed rule changes were put up for public comment, and the president received a great many comments. More than 200,000 American citizens wrote, called, e-mailed, asking that the new rules not be implemented, as they would render the act impotent. No one in the White House was listening – perhaps no one was home.
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