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Faulking Around - Apr 12, 2005 - Printable Version
- Stalking the Wild Beast
by Russell Tharp
"Damn, Wilbur, I shot that sonofabitch eight times, and he still kept running! Hell, I ain't never seen nuthin' like it." "What the hell d'jew expect, Jimbob? It's like them damn things have nine lives, that's what makes hunting 'em so much fun. I remember once my Mama tol' me her cuzzin useta grind 'em up, fry 'em, and make tacos out of 'em. Me, I jes' like the fur. I'm makin' the little lady a fur coat for our twenty-fifth anniversary, she always tol' me she wanted one. Won't she be surprised? Shhhhh......there's a purty one lurking 'round the corner, four more just like it and my missus will be the envy of Little Chute, Wisconsin."
"Willya look at that, Wilbur, she's a comin' this way. Curious little thing, ain't she? Hell, you take her. That Lilybelle deserves a fur coat just fer puttin' up with your crap ever damn day. Aim fer the head, that way you don't mess up the fur."
Wilbur lifted his rifle to his shoulder, lined up the sights dead between the eyes of the wild charging beast, and pulled the trigger just as it lunged toward them. It was a perfect hit, and the animal dropped like a rock in front of them.
Jimbob smiled, showing all six of his front teeth. "This is gonna be the best hunting season ever, Wilbur," he said, scooping up the carcass and stuffing it into the burlap sack that was already half full with their kill from the morning's hunt. "We best get these skinned 'fore they get to smellin' on us. I likes to skin 'em from the neck down, and then gut 'em. How do you like to do it?"
Wilbur thought about it for a moment, then grinned himself. "Hell, I guess it's true, there is more than one way to skin these varmints. Let's get these cats out of the bag, and get to work. You cut 'em, I'll gut 'em."
(Editor's note: The Faulking Truth does not in any way condone the sport of cat hunting, but apparently South Dakota and Minnesota do, since cat hunting is legal in both states, and has been for decades. Any domestic cat that doesn't have a collar and "does not show friendly behavior" is fair game for hunters, and will be soon in Wisconsin as well, if they pass a similar proposed law to allow cat hunting in their state. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!)
(In a related topic, the cruel sport of cat juggling, as depicted in a documentary segment of the Steve Martin movie "The Jerk", has still not been legalized anywhere in the United States. I mean, c'mon, we're not total barbarians.)
If you'd like to make plans to hunt wild kitties in Wisconsin, go to:
http://staging.hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/K/KILLING_WILD_CATS?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2005-04-12-08-07-41
If, for some reason or another, you think cat killing is in poor taste, go to:
http://www.dontshootthecat.com/
Voice your opinion on our message board (you don't have to sign up to post).