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Faulking Around - Feb 22, 2005 - Printable Version
- The Land Where Time (Almost) Stood Still
by Mark Faulk
February 13, 2005 I have a confession to make: I live in in a different time zone than most of you "out there" in the real world. While a recent check of www.worldtimezone.com shows only 24 time zones around the world, there exists another, little known measure of time that most people have never heard of, a Twilight Zone clock that resides in the Netherworld realm of off-kilter conspiracy theories and roams the hinterland with the likes of Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman. This is one "myth", however, that is very real, for this alternate time warp actually does exist, and in fact, it has a name that explains it's very origin. Tucked somewhere in the heart of the Central Time Zone is a bizarre tribe that lives by it's own time in an area where a day is not necessarily 24 hours long. In this surreal land, time doesn't stand still, it just moves excruciatingly slow.
February 20, 2005
Welcome to Faulk Time. It's February 20, seven days after I promised myself I'd post this article. In the meantime, I wrote a little piece about Valentine's Day and posted it, woke up at 3 in the morning and wrote and posted an article about Blockbuster Video, wrote a follow-up to the Blockbuster article the following day, and started articles on the stock market (unfinished), racism (unfinished), one about how I'm more conservative that Bill O'Reilly (almost finished), and one about my idea for a Democratic Presidential ticket for 2008 (oh so close to being finished). I also started four projects around the house (none finished), worked on bids for five jobs (finished one), and billed another three (THOSE I finished....no billings, no money). But.....I'll finish this article in a few minutes.
February 20, 2005 (that same day, seven hours later)
Some call it a curse, others simply annoying. It's a fact, however, that almost everyone in my family has been married more than once, and although I can't say for certain, I think that Faulk Time contributed at least partly to the demise of several of those marriages. As for mine....it's intact, but the verdict is still out on that one. If I can just finish the plumbing I tore out in the kids' bathroom, the remodel job I started in the courtyard, and get the garage cleaned out....we might just make it yet. It'll all be done by this weekend, dear (I promise). Oh man, the OSU basketball game is on......don't go away, I'll be back in an hour.
February 22, 2005
Whoa, are you still here? Sorry, I was this close to posting this earlier today, but then I was distracted by a flurry of activity in the Guestbook, so I had to go pretend to be clever for awhile. (By the way, anytime I say "this close", picture me holding my thumb and finger a millimeter apart....like this: "this close".) Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I was telling you about Faulk Time.
By now I guess it's pretty clear how Faulk Time works. When we say "I'll finish that in a few minutes", we really mean "I might finish that in an hour or so...if I don't forget about it entirely, that is". When we say, "I'll be back in an hour", we really mean two hours.....if you're lucky, that is. When we say, "I'll call you tomorrow", we won't. And when we say, "I'll put it on the schedule", well, just forget about it. It ain't gonna happen.....ever.
So there you have it, your own personal handbook to Faulk Time. A little advice: if you plan to have any dealings with us whatsoever, you might as well set your watches and calenders to Faulk Time. It will save you a lot of aggravation, and make it easier to finish your work on time too....because you'll be working on "Faulk Time". In fact, I dream of a day where the entire world is on Faulk Time, and real life schedules have absolutely no meaning at all. Imagine a world where we all work at our own pace, set our own priorities, and take time out to do the things we really love whenever the mood hits us. Some might call that chaos, but I call it nirvana.
Got a ton of work to finish tonight? No problem, come on over and watch the OSU-Nebraska basketball game, and we'll work on it during halftime. And, if you're one of the dozens of people who I promised to write articles for, don't worry.....I'll put it on the schedule.
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