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Faulking Around - June 1, 2004 - Printable Version
- It's A Sick, Sick, Sick, Sick World
by Mark Faulk
From the "life imitating art" category: A couple of months ago, The Faulking Truth ran an article entitled "Love On The Farm", by Russell Tharp, which dealt with a random internet search using the phrase "sex with chickens", in which Russell posted the matches that came up on his google search and commented on them. Here is an excerpt from that article: I discovered something about the internet with this search: no matter how demented, sick, or disgusting a subject is, someone, somewhere is posting something about it in cyberspace. And even more disturbing, someone, somewhere (and most likely more than one someone) is looking for graphic details on that subject. It's a sick world, and not just because Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern live in it.
The good news: Out of the thousands (that's right, thousands) of matches on this subject, most of them didn't actually have anything to do with having sex with chickens.
The bad news: I said "most of them".
http://www.faulkingtruth.com/article/?InternetDriveBy&1001
Now, here's the faulking truth: no matter what any article we write appears to be about, in reality, we are making fun of, well, almost everyone. In this article, our targets included Republicans, Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern, MTV, Ludacris, the Patriot Act, and Paris Hilton. In other words, "sex with chickens" was in reality a metaphor for everything deviant in the world. Deep, huh? Of course, we also took a couple of pot shots at Polish people and the Deep South, but when you're on a roll, sometimes it's hard to know where to draw the line.
Then, the following month, we carried it a step further: we did an article in which Russell Tharp confessed to being addicted to chicken sex, entitled "Confessions of A Chicken Sexaholic: A Cautionary Tale of Breasts and Thighs". Here is an excerpt from that article:
My name is Russell Tharp, and I'm a chicken sexaholic. Luckily, I never consummated my obsession, and I thank my lucky stars for that every day. At least I have a shred of dignity left. In all honesty, I first looked up chickens on the internet as a lark, and was content to look at pictures of the various breeds. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop there. I soon found myself entering the seedy underbelly of the fowl cyberworld, and began to frequent sites that I can't even mention here. I tried other animals in an attempt to wean myself from the habit- ducks, geese, even platypuses, but somehow, it just wasn't the same. I always ended up back on the same demented chicken websites, usually with a bucket of KFC extra crispy in my lap. Breasts and thighs were my favorite, and I couldn't live without them.
Truthfully, I realize that I'm not alone, that there are millions of other lost souls out there wasting their lives away spending hundreds of hours a month on the internet, addicted to one thing or another. If it's not chickens, then it's Paris Hilton, or Jennifer Lopez, or maybe Janet Jackson. It doesn't matter, in the end, it's all breasts and thighs anyway. Maybe you're one of the millions, lost in a lonely cyberworld hell of your own making. Or maybe not.
http://www.faulkingtruth.com/article/?InternetDriveBy&1002
Okay, I have to admit that at that point I thought that the series was getting a little too far out there, even by my somewhat questionable standards, and decided it was time to pull the plug on Russell and his chicken fetish. That's right, I chickened out, plain and simple. I thought that beastiality was the one subject that seemed too controversial to touch. (Okay, I don't mean physically "touch", I mean it's a subject that shouldn't be probed, no wait, let me rephrase that. Oh, hell, you know what I mean.) Russell was sent off to rehab at "CSA" (Chicken Sex Anonymous"), and the column was history.
But, in a bizarre twist that proves that, to quote Russell himself, "no matter how demented, sick, or disgusting a subject is, someone, somewhere is posting something about it in cyberspace", I stumbled upon this article today, which, amazingly, was sent out by the meglonews service Reuters. I'll close with this article, because, well, it speaks for itself, and truly confirms that, in the end, the faulking truth is always stranger than fiction:
Fri May 28,10:50 AM ET
LUSAKA (Reuters) - A 50-year-old Zambian man has hanged himself after his wife found him having sex with a hen, police said Friday.
The woman caught him in the act when she rushed into their house to investigate a noise.
"He attempted to kill her but she managed to escape," a police spokesman said.
The man from the town of Chongwe, about 50 km (30 miles) east of Lusaka, killed himself after being admonished by other villagers.
The hen was slaughtered after the incident.
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