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Down The Middle - Jan 1, 2005 - Printable Version
- "The Pursuit of Happiness" and "Woman"
by Down The Middle
Are you happy? That’s what I said, “Are you happy?” Do you need a moment to think about it? It should be an easy question...Yes or No. Well, go ahead, take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.
It does seem, happiness in the twenty-first century is becoming a rather elusive commodity. Only a hundred years ago, happiness could probably have been described as “indoor” plumbing, but I guess things are just a bit more complicated these days.
If you were to ask most Americans what it takes {or would take} to make them happy, you would probably get a cornucopic list of newer and bigger “shiny” things, but “Win the lottery” would most likely top out as the number one response {then, of course, you can go out and buy all those newer and bigger “shiny” things}. How many times have you heard someone...or yourself, for that matter, fantasize about “winning the big one”?
I suppose some people would want for power and all the trappings to go with it...but then, power is money and money is power! As I’ve said before, the mark of “success” in today’s world seems all too closely related to the size of the bank account.
If I were a beauty queen, I would probably ask for world peace. {I’m not making light of world peace, but when the breast augmentation is actually larger than the cranium, it all becomes a bit hard for me take too seriously.}
I’m sure, many people would be conscious enough to ask for “good health”. If you don’t have your health, how could you really enjoy your life to the fullest, no matter how wonderful or wealthy you are.
Then, there are those of us who would ask only for “love”...or “to be loved”. Living life alone certainly isn’t much fun for most people, and being “loved” can give us the fortitude to endure life's ups and downs. {However, being “partnered” doesn’t always fulfill the entire range of our needs.}
“Falling” in love, of course, is the most thrilling part of any relationship....the excitement, the mystery and the almost mystical illusions {or should that be delusions} of infatuation. Whatever it is, it stirs the soul and warms the blood until eventually, two become one.
No, I’m not talking about sex {although, it is part of the equation}. The trouble, today, is too many people are “making” love and confusing it with making “love”. Instant sexual gratification is unlikely to create a lasting bond, as enough time is never given to “learning” or “nurturing” the soul of your partner, therefore, ending up with a partner in sex but not a partner in love. A joining of the flesh does not necessarily lead to a joining of the souls. {Just because, someone wants to go to bed with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean, they actually want to sleep with you!}
After the thrill is gone {infatuation fades with time}, a “truer” love begins to emerge...or disappears altogether. For some people, the minute it stops being “fun”, they’re “outta there”. Others seem to have no fun at all, but never entertain the idea of “splitting”. Their love is no longer overtly passionate {in fact, they may actually dislike many aspects of their partner} but they do have a deep seeded love that keeps them hanging on.
Of course, the ideal partnership {and this is where the “partnership” really comes in} is one that stays interesting, exciting and “romantic”. Unfortunately, during the day to day, month to month, year to year, decade to deca...well, you get the picture...it tends to get a little too “usual”. If both parties are content with this attitude, it’s not a problem...but if either part needs the attention and the other part is unwilling or unable to provide it, they will seek it elsewhere, either in their fantasies or in reality.
What makes us such creatures of love? Why are we forever wanting, needing, and searching out this strange feeling, that makes us so “high”? Why do we feel so empty without it?
It is, in part, the loneliness we fear, but also the need for someone with which to share our thoughts and our dreams. Someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, and hopefully, someone to join eyes with...and be intrigued.
The End (Lennon/McCartney)
Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams
Tonight?
And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.
I love women. I’ve loved them, almost from the time I found out they weren’t men. A pretty face and a friendly smile could always get my attention, and it seems, I spent a great deal of my life pursuing that “movie perfect” relationship that, in the end, became so elusive for me. Actually, until I graduated high school, I was so shy, I spent more of my time “dreaming” about it, instead of “doing” anything about it, and when I finally did, I wound up wishing I hadn’t.
I guess most everyone has experienced some sort of failed relationship that left them scarred, and maybe it was just the tenderness of my youth that allowed my scars to run so deep. But the hurt of these early, failed relationships turned me from admiring women to distrusting them and using sexual gratification as almost some kind of revenge against the entire feminine of the species...unfortunately, to the point where I could no longer have the relationship I had always desired. I traded the opportunity of finding my “dream girl for life” into finding a “dream girl for the night”, never again leaving myself open to the heart-wrenching pain that the loss of a true love can bring. Instead, I became the one who did all the hurting...hurting them, before they could hurt me. All this time, I kept telling myself I was still looking for that one true love of my life but in fact, I subconsciously did my best to destroy any and all chances of ever realizing it.
I still remember one fateful night in college, when I ended up alone in the home of a beautiful, blue eyed, blonde girl named Cherie that I had been thinking about every since we had met some weeks earlier. It was not only her “good looks” that had infatuated me, but also that she seemed to be a truly nice person. She was kind, sincere, and caring.
We spent a couple of hours alone on the sofa that night, quietly holding, caressing and kissing each other. It was quite wonderful. I was finally with someone who was pleasing to both my eyes and my ears. Someone who was accepting me for who I was and someone who was looking beyond the moment. Then it happened. I made my move to second base {or is that third?}.
Of course, I wasn’t “forceful” with her. That’s not my style. I was never one to go where I was not wanted. Fortunately, she politely stopped my advances before we went any further, explaining to me that we really didn’t know each other well enough to go beyond this point.
I immediately backed off and sat up with my hand at my brow, shading my eyes and the disgust I felt with myself. Here I was, with the perfect candidate for my “leading lady” role and, once again, I was trying to destroy the flower before it had a chance to blossom. What the hell was it with me?
Gently taking my hand in her’s, she removed it from my face and then, looking directly into my eyes, softly confided that yes, she did, “really” like me and very much wanted to be “close” to me. I could see the sincerity in her eyes and hear it in her voice. This wonderful, beautiful girl was offering me a chance at my life’s dream. {I never really considered the possibility that she could have been “seriously” interested in me.}
Here it was...everything I had ever imagined. A woman that was pretty, both inside and out. A woman who knew all the right things to say and just the right moment to say them. A woman that might overlook my shortcomings and stand at my side, forever.
She followed me to the car that night...trying to understand why I couldn’t stay. I assured her it wasn’t her fault, but my own...but I think she felt rejected...and for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t really understand it myself. I suppose, in the end, I was just afraid I would hurt her, the way I had been hurt and the way I had, in turn, hurt others. I really didn’t want that...not for her.
I had walked away, and there would be no going back. I told myself I was doing her a favor, and that I didn’t want such a truly good person as her, to follow me into the fog my life had become. I’m afraid she never knew how I really felt about her. All she knew was, I had walked. I think about her now, from time to time and wonder, what if? I guess I’ll never know.
Having spent many years lost in that fog, and only through the wisdom of those years, I finally acknowledged my terrible “psycologically induced” mistakes. I had let my early disappointments keep me from realizing what I had been searching for all along. In time, I would once again learn not only to trust and appreciate women...but to cherish them for all they are.
No, I would never have that “movie perfect” relationship. It has taken me all too long to work out the simple equation of love...1+1=1. Forgive me, Cher.
I leave you with a few excerpts from the Song of Songs. {No, that is not a greatest hits album!} and also a song you should already be familiar, with.
How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the handiwork of an artist.
Your navel is a round bowl that should never lack for mixed wine.
Your body is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies.
Now, let your breasts be like clusters of the vine
and the fragrance of your breath, like apples.
Woman
by John Lennon
Woman I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfulness,
For showing me the meaning of success,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,
Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,
Woman please let me explain,
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah)....
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