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Commentary Too - August 7, 2007 - Printable Version
- To Grandma, With Love
by Robin Buckallew
Lately I’ve been reading articles that subtly incorporate certain right-wing talking points, and it makes me see red. Of course, it would be easy to avoid that by not reading right-wing magazines, I suppose. Except these haven’t been in right-wing magazines. When I hear someone from the right-wing espouse right-wing talking points, I just follow the advice I was given by my grandfather years ago. I just consider the source, like the fellow when the mule kicked him. No, these particular right-wing talking points have been subtly and not-so subtly worked into articles in left-wing magazines. When that happens, it makes my blood boil, steam come out of my ears, and it makes me bang my head against the wall in frustration. Of course, all of this is very, very bad for my health. So, I decided it was time to let out a primal scream. Lately, a great number of articles have been written about the difficult economic situation faced by middle-class America. Many (perhaps most) of these articles will sooner or later get around to pointing out one of the “horrible” effects of this economic distress – “Mom” must hold an outside job, working “just like Dad” in order to make ends meet. This may seem like a little thing to most who read these articles, or they may find themselves nodding their heads in conscientious agreement – this is dreadful, this is dire, this is unprecedented, this is not to be tolerated. For me, this is incomprehensible – not that “Mom” must work “just like Dad”, but that any magazine on the left end of the political spectrum could possibly utilize this fact as a negative in any sort of serious, straight-faced way. It undermines one of the very basic, bedrock principles for which the left has been noted (and, in some cases, reviled) for several decades – women’s rights. It subtly undermines the core principles which our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers fought to win, risking ridicule, ostracism, and in some cases, even jail. It sets up in the reptilian portion of our brain the idyllic picture of Leave it to Beaver America, with Dad bringing home the bacon, and Mom frying it up in the pan. We’ve moved from “You’ve come a long way, baby” to “Get back where you belong”.
Already I can hear the inevitable protest. But these articles aren’t referring to women who want to work. These articles are referring to women who HAVE to work. These articles aren’t referring to women in satisfying, white collar professional work. These articles are referring to women in difficult, menial work. First of all, the articles aren’t doing anything of the sort. They’re referring to middle class families where Mom has to work. Some of these women are no doubt working in fairly menial jobs; others are probably in clerical labor; still others may very well be in semi-professional or professional positions. But even if they were referring to nothing but menial, blue-collar labor, I still hold fast to my position. It is truly a step backwards for the left to be bemoaning the presence of women in the labor force, and referring to it as a negative consequence of poor economic policies. When women in the work force are regarded as an unfortunate situation, then we are moving back in time to that archaic belief that somehow or other, women are supposed to stay home and let a man make the money while she takes care of the children and gets the dinner on the table. There is no possible way in which that can be regarded as good.
In the first place, the idyllic picture being evoked when one begins to look at the 1950s through rose-colored glasses is a false idyll. There never was a time when reality met fantasy, and many of us who are baby boomers could attest to that if we took the cheese-cloth off the lens of our memory for just a few minutes and let the haze clear away. For many women, this time was not a time of fulfillment, but a time of frustration. Full-time housewives, contrary to popular mythology, are not happier than working women. Oh, at times, when the job is going badly, and the boss is a jerk, and it seems like you have to work constantly just to stay on top of half of your responsibilities, it can seem like nothing could be better than being able to devote yourself full time to taking care of the house and the kids. I know. I’ve felt that myself. It usually goes away by the end of the third day at home, so be careful what you wish for. Although the newspapers are currently printing happy stories of upper middle class women who have left satisfying careers for an “even more satisfying” career of full-time child raising, most of these silver linings have very, very dark clouds. Studies have indicated, in fact, that women who are working and earning are more likely to be respected by their husbands, they are more likely to be living in egalitarian situations – and the marriage is more likely to last. The rampant use of Valium and alcohol among housewives in the 1950s (make that Xanax and alcohol in the 21st century) have managed to mask a great deal, but this often leads to inner turmoil, as well as stress and conflict within the home, rather than the idyllic, Leave it to Beaver serenity we all imagine. Remember the old saying, “If Mom isn’t happy, no one is happy”. Truer words were never spoken.
Another thing to consider is freedom. A woman who is working, even at the most menial, drudgery job is much, much freer than a woman, even a woman of wealth, who has devoted her full time to her house, her children, and her husband. Being dependent on a man for support leaves a woman very vulnerable. What if the man should leave? What if he should die? The woman would be without means of support, and the gradual erosion of alimony over the past few decades leaves her in a very difficult spot indeed. In addition, what if the man she marries in a warm glow of love and tenderness turns out to be a bit of a brute? What if he terrorizes her – and the children? What if he is a hopeless drunk, or an addict that drinks, snorts, or gambles away the entire paycheck? A woman who has departed the work force has few options in such a situation. Leaving is much harder to do if you have no place to go. In many situations, even getting counseling turns out to be dependent on the goodwill of the money-maker, who is also usually the individual carrying the insurance. Many women have learned to overlook infidelity, dishonesty, or even violence because they feel trapped. Mom working doesn’t always give her a great option, since reducing the income to only hers will leave most families in a poorer situation than when there were two incomes, but it is still better than having no income at all. Women simply have freedom of conscience to a greater degree when they are able to provide support for themselves and their children. Women working in a menial job may not be able to find the emotional or intellectual satisfaction of women working in a professional job, but they often do have the relief of not having to depend upon someone else for all their basic needs. Take it from me – I may be a professional, but that hasn’t always been the case. I have supported my son by clerical work, by being a fry cook, by cleaning houses, even working briefly as a telemarketer. No matter what my position, no matter how lowly or underappreciated, there was always a great feeling of relief at returning to work after a period of absence. It wasn’t just a lightening of the worry about paying bills. It was also a feeling of increased self-esteem.
For most of human history, women have been regarded as less capable, or as less intelligent, or simply as too fragile to maintain meaningful work outside the home. For centuries, women fought against these limitations. For centuries, women dressed up as men in order to work, often risking ostracism or even execution if they were discovered. For centuries, women attempted to utilize the same basic skills that were assumed to naturally belong to men only. Did you know the Brontë sisters originally wrote under assumed masculine names? George Eliot would have been more properly known as Mary Ann Evans. Even as recently as the 20th century, my very own grandmother was limited in what types of work were considered socially acceptable for a woman, especially for a married woman. She spent her entire life teaching high school English, a very “suitable” profession for a woman. Her sister and all her sisters-in-law entered the identical field. They were able to work, as long as they were teachers or nurses. It would never have occurred to anyone to allow any of these women the opportunity to work as a scientist, or a doctor, or an auto mechanic, no matter what their skills might have been. For most of my growing up period, I received encouragement from that very same grandmother, a woman who had gracefully accepted her lot, and equally as gracefully fought to assure a better range of choices for her grandchildren. Many of our mothers and our grandmothers were on the front lines of a powerful battle, risking ridicule, risking everything for that goal. Now, for the first time, we have a generation of women entering the workplace who’ve grown up assuming that was their right, and despising the very idea. Scorning the gift given them by their grandmothers, they join forces with the men who write articles decrying the need for “Mom” to work “just like Dad”, and undermine the cause that the rest of us have fought for.
My grandmother raised her children during the Great Depression. During that time of economic distress, it was her income as a teacher that kept the family together. It was her income that allowed my grandfather to maintain hold of the family farm in Oklahoma, so that years later, he could retire after a long and satisfying career serving the dairy needs of Oklahoma City, without ever having to look back and say “If only we hadn’t lost the farm back in the 1930s”. My grandmother was proud and happy to go to work, because she knew she was needed. She knew she was needed by her family, and she knew she was needed by the students struggling to understand irregular verbs, gerunds, and dangling participles. And when she retired, her students came back from all over to honor her. These writers who disparage the need of women to work do dishonor to my grandmother, and to their own grandmothers, who no doubt were also front line troops in this long, protracted, and tedious battle.
It is time for the left-wing to quit adopting, consciously or unconsciously, the talking points of the right-wing pundits. It is time for the left-wing to once again join hands with women, recognizing that true liberation comes only when a person can take care of themselves. It is time for the left-wing to show solidarity with women who need better choices, not just with women who have adopted the path of limited choices. It is time for men and women everywhere to celebrate the woman who works outside the home, and to recognize her contributions to her society, to her country – and to her family. It is time for all of us, Baby Boomers and beyond, to stand up and shout in unanimous chorus “THANK YOU, GRANDMA!!!!”.
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