HOME
Message Board
CURRENT COLUMNS
- Editor's Corner
- Blogfest 2005
- Commentary
- Commentary Too
- Down The Middle
- Faulking Around
- Global Warning
- This guy walks into a bar...
- Investing 101
- Faulking Opinions
- Off The Rail
- Words
ARCHIVES
LINKS
CONTACT US
 | |||
Blogfest 2005 - Oct 27, 2005 - Printable Version
- For the Greater Good.....
by Mark Faulk
It's a question that has plagued and perplexed deep thinkers.....both great and mediocre.....for centuries. You have several dynamics in your life, several ways to look at every decision. First, there is the obvious, as phrased in the old addage, "to thine own self be true."
Here's another version (it might be original, but probably not): "In matters of the heart, it's the heart that matters most."
But with every decision, every action, there are consequences, and sometimes those consequences are profound, life altering, and deeply affect those around you, and not always in a positive way.
Here's the dilemma I'm faced with: as I approach an age when most people are trying their damndest to settle into a comfortable lifestyle (and indeed, I already have that comfortable lifestyle firmly in my grasp), I chose to start a little website, just to vent my frustrations about a seemingly increasingly uncaring world, a government that appeared to me to be lurching headlong down the path to almost certain annilation, and a country whose populace seemed to be wearing blinders at best, and at worst, just didn't give a damn.
It seemed innocent enough: rekindle a bit of my Sixties radical activist mentality, and maybe enlighten a few lost souls along the way (we all know that lost souls are the easiest targets...plus, they love kool aid). But then, something happened along the lazy path of random internet proselytizing. Our little website attracted a few like minded individuals, and with the not small literary and creative contributions from them, that in turn attracted not just the few lost souls that I had hoped for (as I said...the "easy pickin's"), but we seemed to strike a chord in a sector of America that was sorely underepresented, the group I like to call the Radical Middle.
The Radical Middle is a truly dysfunctional lot, having to deal on a daily basis with the knowledge that, while not quite as far left as we'd like to believe that we are, we are passionate about our beliefs, which seems to be a strange (on the surface, anyway) mixture of family values, borderline Socialist ideas about sharing, and a Christian-like naivete that we're all here to help our fellow man.
Anyway, the website took off, and our readership increased from a paltry few thousand hits a month to over 600,000 hits a month. Unfortunately, we were doing it all out of that vague, hard to pin down emotion known as passion, meaning basically that none of us got paid - we were here because we all felt compelled to be here, for one obscure reason or another. Along the way, every writer probably contributed more time than they had originally planned...but I, as the self-appointed fearless leader, dove headfirst into the deep end, sans life jacket. I not only kept track of the site, answered emails, and posted everyone else's articles, I took it upon myself to adopt a couple of causes that turned out to be doozies, and that consumed mass quantities of my spare time, which I had precious little of to begin with. And even more incredibly. we began to see tangible results in some of our crusades, even if we were just one of the cogs in the slow-moving wheels of justice. It didn't matter, we were doing our part. We were, at long last, contributing members of the Advocates for Social and Political Reform Cult.
But....here we go.....actions/reactions.....decisions/consequences. Of course, since I was fully convinced that because I was doing all of this for the betterment of mankind, and for future generations, that it was a given that I was doing it for my family, and for those around me that I loved, and that they would leap into the noble cause (whatever that might be) right along with me, or at least beam approvingly from the sidelines, cheering me on. Silly me.
As it turns out, the sacrifices I made to pursue those causes, to follow obsessively down a path that I was certain would help to "change the world," meant that I was taking away not just some, but a great percentage of my time from those around who were closest, who should have, and did, mean the most to me. How could I expect them to be proud of me, to believe in my causes, when in fact I was neglecting them in the process? It was a catch-22 situation.
Now, all that said, here's the question I promised you so very long ago (it's a two parter):
What do you do when, after a lifetime of hoping and praying for an opportunity to do something constructive, something bigger than you are.....for the betterment of mankind, so to speak, you're handed that opportunity on a silver platter, only to discover that there are severe personal sacrifices that are required of you in order to fulfill your dream?
Do you do what needs to be done for the "greater good," at the expense of your personal life, or do you just stay the course, and maintain the status quo, and focus on your "immediate family"....and say to hell with the world?
So that's tonight's million dollar question(s).
So far, I've tried to balance both obligations, to the detriment of everyone concerned. I've haven't been able to fully commit to the causes that I KNOW I can affect in a positive way, and I haven't spent enough time with those who depend on me to keep them feeling secure and wanted. And, as if that's not enough, my newfound passion has awakened a need for that same level of passion in my personal life. It's like I woke up one day.....rediscovered passion and deep emotion in an earth-shattering climactic revelation, and went "I WANT THAT, in every facet of my life....and I WANT IT NOW!!!"
It was unfair of me.....but now that I knew that it existed.....now that passion had discovered me, I was consumed by it, and anything less was unacceptable. I had to have it now...and that's that (but by the way, I don't have much time to rekindle it because I have all these causes.....so let's get busy!). And...if those around you truly love you and believe in you, shouldn't they just FEEL passion as a side effect of your enthusiam (some actually have the nerve to call it "obsession"). Um...yeah, sure they should.
I've made a plethora of mistakes and miscalculations along the way. For those I've hurt, ignored, or simply pissed off in my quixotic quest, I'm truly sorry. Please forgive me.
I wish I had a happy ending for this little tirade, but the Faulking Truth is, I don't. I CAN'T give up what I believe that God has chosen me for, but I don't want to give up those that I love either. I love them. Up to now, it's been a precarious balancing act fueled by adrenaline and caffeine, but it's beginning to unravel at a frightening pace.
So.....I'll leave it at this. If anyone out there has some sage advice that they received from some wise man (who, incidently, never actually felt a day of stress in his entire life...c'mon, he lives alone on a freaking mountaintop, for Chrissake) after trekking up some Tibetian mountain through five feet of snow, email it to me. Otherwise, I'll continue to follow my heart, and hope that it doesn't lead me off of yet another jagged cliff. The falls are actually pretty exhilerating, but the landings....damn they leave some major bruises.
And THAT'S the painful Faulking Truth.
Voice your opinion on our message board (you don't have to sign up to post).